What’s the Stupidest Thing You’ve Ever Said?

Come on, that’s one of the greatest titles I’ve come up with. And as much as I’d love to talk about Survivor, the NFL draft, Lost, last night’s awesome episode of The Big Bang Theory, or the writers symposium I’m going to on Friday and Saturday, there was one event that happened this morning that beat out all other topics.

I carpool to work with a neighbor of mine, Mike. Nope, no anonymity on this. He knows I’m writing it, so it doesn’t matter one iota that I’m using his name. Anyway, we’re driving on the I-15 and we’re approaching the 215 interchange when Mike says “See-ell-ess-dee?” He was definitely confused. I asked what he said, maybe I’d misheard him. He repeated “see-ell-ess-dee.” I was thinking it was on a license plate. You know, some 60s hippy saying that they want to “See LSD” or something. Not like that made sense, but it was the only thing I could think of, besides, what else can LSD mean? Well, I asked him where he saw that and he said to me, “On the sign back there. Right lane C-L-S-D 215 On Ramp.”
My response? “Oh…closed?” Wow, did he feel like an idiot. It was awesome. If I was Bill Engvall, I would’ve said “Here’s your sign!” But I’m not cool enough to act like a Texas redneck.

Come on, you know you’ve said stupid things in your life. Everyone is prone to it. Shoot, I’m not immune to it. Wow, sadly I can’t think of any that I’ve said (that’s because I block out those things). But let me think if there’s another example of something stupid someone said:

Like it was hard. In college, my roommate and I had a Chem lab together. At the end of the lab, we were cleaning up. I don’t recall the chemical compound that we were using (it had a bluish tint to it). So, as we were cleaning, one of the other students was washing his flask out when he noted the water that was leaving the container. “Wow, it’s coming out purple!” My roommate replied “That’s because we were just using (blue chemical with enough red compound to cause the liquid to come out purple).” The guy gave him a glare and my roommate leaned to me and whispered “Here’s your sign.”

And this last story comes from my friend Casey. She and her husband Noah were at Baskin Robbins waiting on their order. In walks an old high school teacher. This woman is thought of by other teachers at our high school as very intelligent. She teaches the A/P (History I think) class. So, she says to Casey “Here to get some ice cream?” Of course, Casey replied politely and said yes. But she so desperately wanted to say, “Nope, just like the free pink spoons.” Here’s your sign.

Ok, so I hope I made your day a little lighter and funnier. If not, hopefully you smiled somewhere on the blog.

Of course, the answer to yesterday’s trivia was D. The Dodgers vs. the Angels. Duh! Of course, that’s been my prediction for the last 12 years. Come on! They’ve had the Subway Series. The Bay Series. Too many people thinking with their hearts want the Windy Series (Cubs vs White Sox for those who don’t know). There’s gotta be a Freeway Series someday. But I hope they come up with a better name for it (Apryl?).

Today’s awesome trivia question that no one cares about is in honor of national bagel day: What is my favorite bagel?
a) Cinnamon Sugar from Einstein Bros. Bagel
b) Cheddar Bagel from Smith’s/Kroger’s
c) Six-Cheese Bagel from Einstein Bros. Bagel
d) Four-Cheese Bagel from Bagel Rock Cafe in Ventura

Wow, I wanna run and grab a bagel now.

Survivor, Yes, I am still a fan

You know, I’m a huge Survivor fan. Yes, I like the idea of a bunch of people stuck together on an island or some other desolate region mentally and physically battling one another for $1,000,000. If you don’t, that’s your choice. Yeah, one day, I want to be on Survivor. Yeah, I think it’d be a great way to lose 30 pounds. Yeah, I think it’d suck and I’d be deemed the ‘whiniest’ person out there. I don’t care. It’d be fun.

So of course I’ve been following the information concerning Survivor’s Heroes vs Villains season (and thanks to Survivor, I realized that I was misspelling villain most my life). Guess what, you’re in for a week of Survivor blogs. Which probably means that I won’t get as many hits, unless I was famous or something.

Anyway, with this season of Survivor there are twenty former players back for a third time at the game. There are a bunch of interesting facts about the show that would cause me to wonder what my strategy to be if I were going on it.

1) There are 9 people that are playing this game for a third time. If I were here for a second time I’d be thinking “Nuh-uh, you’ve already had too many chances at this game.”

2) Out of 20 people, 12 of them made it all the way to the end. One of those 12 has done it twice in a period of six months. Out of these 12 finalists are 4 winners. My first targets now become the 4 winners and sadly one of my favorite players since she’s been a back-to-back finalist.

3) Even with 12 of the finalists, there are 2 more that made it to the final 4. One of them did it twice (taking 4th, then 3rd).

4) The remaining six have all been on the jury at least once. The reasons for their being voted out of the game, though, were anywhere from threat to unaligned to “I don’t want you to win”.

5) Since Survivor seasons are filmed back-to-back in near locations nowadays, 19 contestants do not know who the 20th is other than the fact that he’s on the ‘Villains’ tribe. I don’t know about you, but that means ‘target’ to me.

6) There are two people, even with Jeff Probst’s explanation, that should be switched for tribes. I don’t believe that Candice is a hero. I don’t really believe that Danielle is one either, but for some reason, kinda think she deserves it more than Candice. What do I know, I don’t run the show. I just obsessively watch it.

7) Speaking of those two, they are the two that I would most like to not see back on Survivor. I think there were other deserving people. Corinne from Gabon (who I found out couldn’t for work reasons, understandable), Shii Ann (even though her All-Stars portrayal wasn’t so villainous), Julie (but maybe that’d be bad for Jeff since they dated and broke-up), Shambo (yeah, she’d be a villain for her betrayals, but her mullet’s gotta go), Peigh-Gee (or however you spell her name), and my all-time favorite Elizabeth (come on, how can you not call her a hero). I don’t know. I just wasn’t happy when I saw that Candice and Danielle were chosen. Oh well, can’t please all the audience. I’d gun for Candice and Danielle just because I thought they were undeserving.

I believe that most of those returning are very deserving of their extra shot at $1,000,000. It’s intriguing to see that four of my favorite ‘heroes’ are back (Rupert, JT, Amanda, and Stephenie). Personally, that’s who I’d target out of respect for the player. (Maybe not Rupert.)

9) Almost every villain is someone that I would make an alliance with just to screw over later on in the game. The only two that I wouldn’t would be Courtney and Randy. I don’t really know why on Randy, but because Courtney was such a ‘useless’ player in China that found her way to the end with a pair of votes to boot, she’s worth aligning with.

10) I think Kathy said it best on All-Stars when she commented “I don’t trust any of you” to the three guys on her tribe. When I looked at that tribe (Rich, Colby, Lex, Kathy, Shii-Ann, and Jenna) I thought that I wouldn’t want to trust any of them either. The same goes for all ten villains and half the heroes this season. I mean, even Sugar seemed untrustworthy when she voted for Matt instead of Bob in the end there.

All in all, I’m glad to see an awesome cast of Survivors. So, here goes for my final four pick (which is going to look odd, but I actually like it). Colby, James, Courtney, and Parvati. Yep, it’s random, but hey it works. (I’d like to see Colby vs Courtney for final two. I really don’t know why. Oh well.)

The answer to my useless trivia from Friday is 6. I moved from Oxnard, CA to Logan, UT in Aug 2003. In Logan I moved from my dorm to another dorm, back to my old dorm, got married and moved to another apartment, we switched apartments to have air conditioning, and then we moved to Orem.

Today’s useless trivia question: What is my world series prediction for 2010?
a) Yankees vs Dodgers
b) Red Sox vs Dodgers
c) Indians vs Dodgers
d) Angels vs Dodgers

Unmotivated

So I haven’t really blogged lately. I’ve been a little lazy in just about everything. I think being able to watch episodes of tv shows during lunch has killed my motivation. I haven’t even been ‘book-related’ motivated lately. Actually, I’ve been pretty much self-doubting a lot when it comes to my book. I feel that I’ve got a great story. I’ve had people read it and say that they love it (and they’re not all related to me). Right now, the biggest problem is revising. It’s a horrible and evil process, but so necessary that it’s the one part in writing that’s a true test of an author’s character. I guess mine is that I don’t want to commit any further in some ways.

Yeah, my sister would tell me “quit the sobbing and get your butt moving” like somebody on a weight-loss show. Mary keeps reminding me that my book does have good potential. Right now, though, I just need to get through revising and get somewhere.

The goal was to send stuff out tomorrow. Am I going to make it? Yes! Of course I am. Tonight, I will home and go through the three different critiques of my first three chapters and get them all cleaned up. I will go through my synopsis and get it looking just a little better and follow some formatting suggestions given to me by my friend Jacque. And then I will find a way to get Casey to look at the final ‘revision’ remembering that she needs to understand what criteria she’s comparing against (this has caused a few useless discussions on my part by failing to communicate all necessary details). And then, I will to go through the lists of agents and see who I’m ready to send stuff to. Thank goodness, most of them are email. And then I will send this out. And then I WILL get an agent. I’ve got to stop talking to myself in terms of “this is what I still need to do” and start looking at “this is what I will be doing next”. I should have time at lunch to go through some of the suggestions. Remembering that I’m trying to convert a fun hobby into a career is very important right now. Writing has been my true dream job since I was ten or eleven. And it’s about time I achieved that dream. Ten year old me is probably mad at me right now for being so lazy. Shoot, I’m mad at me right now for being so lazy.

Wow, it’s amazing that when I started this post, I was really unmotivated. And now that I’m done, I’m ready to face the annoying things that I’ve got to do and remind myself “of course it’s work. But it’s worth it.”

Ok, so useless previous question’s answer is Pecan Pie. Yum! I need a slice or two or half pie or whole pie right now.

Today’s useless question is: How many times did my address change from August 2003-December 2005?
a) 2
b) 4
c) 6
d) 8

The Greatest Cartoon Ever

Before we get started, I must state, this is 100th blog. Congratulations to me for doing this much useless information. Yeah!

Last Friday was a great post. I love making fun of old tv shows. Shoot, I just love making fun of things. But in the ‘cool, now annoying’ conversation cartoons had been mentioned, and I figured, I’d eliminate them from possible options. However, I do intend to do a lame cartoon blog soon. Just not today.

No, today’s is my opinion of the greatest cartoon ever: Garfield and Friends! Oh yeah, that’s right. I love that fat cat and his anti-dog antics. Garfield is hilarious, lazy, and anti-Monday. What a great post for a Monday.

I grew up reading the Garfield comics, watching Garfield, and I even had a desk calendar for Garfield one year. It was an awesome show. It’s one of those that I can handle watching on a boring Saturday and just sit and enjoy. I would love to own all the dvds of Garfield (I own sets 4 and 5 at least). It’s classic. It mocks pretty much everything (in a kinder environment than the Simpsons, South Park, or Family Guy). Garfield is just pure fun. I still laugh at it, even if I know what’s coming half the time. Yes, I know what they say about simple minds. But come on, some times it’s nice to just veg out in front of the tv and know “I’m not going to learn anything useful for the next 25 minutes” and have it be ok. I mean really, it’s ok to just sit and watch it. I think it is.

Ok, so which good old tv show would I want to be on if I jumped back in time? Out of the four I listed on Friday, the answer is Saved by the Bell. Come on, it was cool back then. Who didn’t want Zack’s cell phone?

Today’s question will be brought to you by the letters ‘G’ and ‘arfield’. Anyway:
One thing that some people may not know about me is that I love to bake. (Yeah, you can joke about it all you want. I just won’t share the awesome fattening foods that I can make.) There is one thing that I enjoy making, well, so I can enjoy eating, more than anything. What is it?
a) Pecan Pie
b) Funfetti cake with rainbow chip frosting
c) Pumpkin Pie
d) Peanut Butter Pie

Nice Now Annoying

It’s been a while since I’ve done annoying top ten list. No seriously, I have the word annoying in their titles. There was the ten things about Utah, things people complain about, and things I’ve never done that people got annoyed at. Today’s list will be the ten tv shows that I used to think were cool, fun, awesome, but are now so annoying, my brothers and sister will probably mock me for even stating them on here. But, thanks to the help of Casey and her sister Gretna, we came up with a good list. Now, the two of them just gave me ideas of shows. There will be a lot of honorable mentions below.

10. (Tie) Out of this World/Small Wonder: One is a show about an alien chick who can freeze time. One is a show about a little girl robot. Trying to take science fiction/fantasy and put it into real current life just isn’t that funny. I know I watched both. I just really can’t remember too much about either. Well, except the annoying neighbors on Small Wonder.

9. Sabrina the Teenage Witch: It’s difficult to actually put this one in the list. But still, Sabrina gets more annoying each time I watch her. Her aunts are…well…..way too weird. What’s it with Wizards/Witches having to live with aunts and uncles. Well turn this to Mr. Kanye West. “I’m sorry, Sabrina, but I think Harry Potter is more powerful as a wizard living with an aunt.”

8. Charles in Charge: “Of our days and our nights”. Come on, you sang it too. Seriously? This was so funny when I was younger. Even when USA showed it as reruns. Now it’s just lame. And then Charles grows up to join Dick Van Dyke on Diagnosis Murder and then leaves the show. That’s when people have career problems, they can’t stick with a show.

7. Who’s the Boss: Now a lot of perverted guys are grateful for this show. Yes, yes, Alyssa Milano (mmmmmm…..Milano cookies) did get her start here. She later acted like a whore on Melrose Place and dressed like one on Charmed. And then she was on Castle and fully dressed. Did she grow up? Anyway, can’t understand Tony. Mona is your typical meddling mom. And I don’t even remember the mom and boy enough to say much. It was cool once. That’s all I know.

6. Facts of Life: “You take the good, you take the bad…” Well, that’s about it. Did you know that George Clooney was on this show? And he had hair! Yeah, like the only actor with a real career after the show went off the air. This show was really weird its first season and not for teenagers. Strange, but as the show progressed, its target audience seemed to get younger and younger. Its first season had an episode about marijuana and its last season had episodes working in a candy store behind the house. Where was this house anyway that had an entrance to this store that had an entrance to a street with shops? Confused? Yeah, I was too.

5. Goosebumps: I actually truly get goosebumps thinking that I actually once liked this show. Really, it was just stupid. I never read the books, and now I’m glad I didn’t. The big surprise in the story was always disappointing. My brother Chris watched one with me (wow, was he bored that day) and was like, “That’s it? Wow, that’s dumb.” You know what, he was right.

4. Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: It was difficult to decide between numbers 3 and 4 on who went where. I just had to go with what I thought of the show at the time. Funny enough, when Power Rangers started, it was annoying. Then, because my friends Kimmy and Kirsten watched it, I got into it. I was really into it. I loved it. I wanted to be one. I also wanted to date the pink ranger. Come on, Amy Jo Johnson was hot. Of course, her character on Felicity was a little less interesting. Of course, Felicity was a little less interesting. Anyway, looking back, I have to ask myself, what was I thinking?

3. Sister, Sister: Duh! Let’s see, this week Tia is smart and Tamara is dumb. Next week Tia is dumb and Tamara is smart. Or did I just get the two confused too much. I honestly had no idea which sister bugged me more. And yet, I watched this show. Seriously, Jackee’s voice is one of those that just makes you want someone to rupture your eardrums. Of course, her voice can do that. Oh well.

2. Full House: I bet some of you thought this should be number one. Oh well, you’ll agree with number one I’m sure. I loved this show. I thought it was the best show. It was such a good family show (I’ll stand by that still, actually. But that’s when it’s 3 in the afternoon, my kids are older and I want to nap on the couch). But this show got dumber each time I watched it after its 8 season run ended. I caught a couple of episodes in high school and thought “Wow, this was kinda lame.” Then after high school I saw one and thought “Did I watch this?” Then, it turned into “Ah, what a nice show this was. But now it’s really ridiculously lame.” Especially since the Olson twins have gone on to such things as being the world’s richest brats and one of them wound up on a show about pot. And one of them got a guest spot on Samantha Who? (it’s still sad that it’s off the air now). And one of them became a person of interest in Heath Ledger’s death. But look at the adults. You have the narrator on How I Met Your Mother who also has a few failed shows (that’s the dad, by the way). You’ve got two actors with shows that just failed at each attempt (that’d be Jesse and Becky). And you’ve got an actor that I have never seen in a different venue (that’d be Joey). Well, Joey did do the stupid jackalope thing with the Funniest People show aka fake counter to America’s Funniest Home Videos (which had the dad on it). Oh, and the middle daughter got married to a drug cop and ended up with a meth addiction. Hmmm….how’d that work. Did you deal with it all day, dude, and not want to admit it was at home too? Come on. What kind of cop are you?

1. Saved by the Bell: Really? You didn’t see it coming? There was Saved by the Bell. Then there was Saved by the Bell: The College Years. Which, during its one season run, there began Saved by the Bell: The New Class. You get such stars as Dustin Diamond (who eventually did porn. Seriously, good career man. Did you do it backwards?), Tiffany Amber-Thiessan (who became a ho-ish character on Beverly Hills, 90210),  Elizabeth Berkley (who stripped in Showgirls, stated as the scariest movie by a character in Scream), Lark Voorhies (who’s been on a soap opera and a few guest spots), Mark-Paul Gosselear (who’s still trying to get his career going), and of course Mario Lopez (the only actor with a continuous career during the last 16 years). And then you’ve got its offspring (just learned that offspring was plural) that were flops. And then the various wannabes like California Dreams, City Guys, Hang Time, and USA High. I was turning the channel the other day and saw an episode of Saved by the Bell and thought to myself “Wow, Zack Morris was such a dork. And why is Kelly whining so much?”

Ok, that’s the ten shows I came up with (with some help of course). But let’s go with the honorable mentions from Gretna, Casey, and myself: Family Matters and Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (both worth watching in the absolute boredom stage); Blossom, Boy Meets World, Doogie Howser, M.D., My So Called Life, Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper, Step by Step, Harry & the Hendersons, Alf, Bosom Buddies, The Nanny, and Punky Brewster.

Now, in a category by itself is this last show. The ultimate show that I think I watched just to annoy my brother and sister. It was called “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.” Yeah, it was dumb then, dumb now. I really don’t know what i was thinking. Maybe I was just getting back at my sister for waking me up when she and her friends would come home late at night and wake me up when I was a baby. Oh, they did it on purpose just to have me entertain them. *shrug and smile*

The answer to yesterday’s useless trivia: even with all the money in the world, I’d rather go to the Super Bowl than do any of the others. But see a baseball game in every baseball stadium in the MLB is a very close second. But just going to one Super Bowl would be a dream come true in my life.

Today’s useless question is brought to you by the letters S, B, and T (for Saved by the Bell):
If I could go back in time and appear on one of the shows that I just named, which show would I wish to appear on?
a) Saved by the Bell
b) Full House
c) Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers
d) Goosebumps

The Perfect Season

Ok, so I still have football fever going on. It’s like an addiction that I have to go into rehab for during those long months between February and August. The draft helps only so little. And arena football, though interesting, doesn’t hold my interest very long. I don’t mind watching basketball (Go Lakers!) but it feels like the basketball season drags on too long. I really like the playoffs and world series, but again it drags on to me (Go Dodgers!).

So, I was looking at a mock draft that Fox had done and was beginning to think about what I wish would happen in the NFL. First, I remember when I was really young and the New England Patriots were 1-15 and the Indianapolis Colts were 2-14. Manning was graduating high school and Brady was entering it those days. (I don’t know, just a guess.) Of course, the Colts continued down there until Manning came into their own while the Patriots jumped into Super Bowl XXXI against the Packers. (Favre’s only Super Bowl win. Here’s an ode to Favre: Retire. Ok, that’s all on that.)

Anyway, my perfect Super Bowl used to be the Detroit Lions vs the Cleveland Browns. Of course, that scenario ain’t happening (ain’t is a word according to WordPress? Intriguing). So I might as well make my dream a little more interesting. My dream perfect season would have two L.A. teams again, the Lions and the Jaguars. Yes, in this scenario, that’s where those teams just suddenly moved to. Moving on, the Lions had a regular season record of 12-4 while the Jaguars were 13-3. So naturally, they’re in the playoffs

Backing up here, there were 12 teams in the playoffs. Well, of course San Francisco and San Diego were there. (Since Jacksonville is in the West in this scenario, Kansas City has moved to the South). Representing the AFC East were the Buffalo Bills (I mean, come on, 4 Super Bowls in a row and no win?). From the South you have the Houstan Texans with the wild card team of the Kansas City Chiefs. And the Cleveland Browns are the representatives of the North at 9-7 after beating the Steelers in the final game of the season. For the NFC, you’ve got the Giants (or my boss would kill me) and the Redskins from the East. The Saints….nah…the Bucs from the South. And a Favre-less Minnesota from the North. So let’s see: The Wild-Card Round:

Kansas City loses to Cleveland
San Diego beats Buffalo
Washington loses to Tampa Bay
San Francisco beats Minnesota

The Divisional Round:

Cleveland loses to L.A. Jaguars (just L.A. winning in the NFL again sounds great, right Apryl?)
San Diego beats Houston (who didn’t see that coming)
San Francisco beats New York Giants (my boss didn’t like that, my sister did)
Tampa Bay loses to L.A. Lions (my sister liked that, my brother-in-law may have been indifferent)

Conference Championships (funny enough they’re both hosted in L.A. and all four teams are Californian)
The L.A. Jaguars beat the San Diego Chargers in this scenario: 35-31
The L.A. Lions beat the San Francisco 49ers in this case: 27-24

So, the Super Bowl, which is hosted in the Coliseum where the USC Trojans play, is between the L.A. Jaguars and the L.A. Lions. I’m going to have to say that the L.A. Lions get their win (seeing as how the franchise has been in the NFL longer and the AFC has dominated the Super Bowl since Elway beat Favre).

But, let’s see, what else happened this season of nonexistence. Well, no team went less than 6-10. (The teams that went 6-10, though, are New England, Indianapolis, Denver, Philadelphia, and Dallas) The majority of the teams went somewhere between 7-9 and 9-7. Maybe another 6-10 and a few 10-6 teams.

Oh well, guess that’s why it’s called a dream.

So, yesterday’s French/Belgian comic question. The answer was b) Les Aventures des Richard. That’s not really. Smurfs actually come from Belgium initially. That’s why they’re so strange. Bob et Bobbette is real. I actually own one. I actually own Smurfs in French too. Of course, I own an Asterix as well.

Today’s useless trivia is brought to you by the letters L and A.

Which of the following is highest on my bucket list?
a) Go to a baseball game at every single baseball stadium in the MLB
b) Go to the Super Bowl
c) Go to a game in every round of the NCAA Final Four tournament
d) Go to all games in the NBA Finals
e) Go to at least one College Bowl game every day that one is played.

Again, it may surprise you

What is Bob?

First of all, 19 views yesterday. My friend Jenn made a good comment on my facebook page: good thing it didn’t say butt probings are scheduled. Maybe people misread my facebook page? Were more people interested in butt probings than alien probings? And seeing as how my blog had nothing to do with either were all 19 people disappointed? I really didn’t expect to get that many viewers, but all I have to say is this: Awesome.

So, where did “Bob” come from? Well, in my life, my brother Chris and I used to use the name Bob as the most generic guy name ever, for whatever reason. Come on, who doesn’t come up with something stupid when they’re teenagers or younger? Shoot, who doesn’t come up with something stupid in their 20s, 30s, 40s and so forth?

Well, for some reason, Bob became my random alias nickname. Bob was our joke nickname. We thought it was hilarious when Family Matters even mentioned “and I’d have to go to UoB!” “UoB?” “University of Bob!” Of course, Chris and I wanted to apply, but for some reason, our IQs were too high.

Moving forward with the “Bob” concept. Apryl and I both can admit we’re nerds. We’re just very cool nerds. Well, Apryl is, I just get to be under the “cool by association” tab. Anyway, we were playing Jeopardy on the computer one day. Well, I thought I knew the answer to a question and I hit my button and started typing. I realized my answer was wrong and my time was coming to an end. So, I ended up typing “What is Bob?” Was I right? No…….not remotely. The answer was probably something like “What is Ping Pong?” Anyway, Apryl thought that “What is Bob?” was funny. So we kept using What is Bob? as our fake answer. Then, we got tired of the computer cheating so we created our third contestant, Bob. Well, Bob never won. We even had Bobbette on occasion. She never won either. Of course, Bob and Bobbette were great at killing time. If Apryl or I wanted more time, we’d just let Bob or Bobbette answer. And the question they’d give? “What is Bob?” or “What is Bobbette?”

In all my time playing/watching Jeopardy, there has been two times when Bob was actually part of the answer. Literally, the answer was just Bob. One was something like “God, the Devil, and this person is a tv show on NBC”. The answer to that one was “Who is Bob?” But, I did get a “What is Bob?” for “Out of all of Newhart’s television shows, this is the one with the shortest title.” I was so excited when I heard “What is Bob?” I almost called my sister. I don’t know why I didn’t. Maybe because I would’ve felt like I had no life. Yeah, like I really do anyway.

I even once had whatisbob@hotmail.com as my email address. I miss that one. Maybe I’ll do that one again. I’ve been leaning towards more mature email addresses lately though. I like my random ones though still.

So, yesterday’s question. Nope, it wasn’t Dog Grooming. But that’s so close of an answer. The answer is of course Math. Wow! Really? Yeah. I love Math. I wish I could go back and start at early math, well, not early math, because let’s face it, I can do that stuff in my sleep. I’m talented enough. Really, I would love to go start with Pre-Calc (just for the familiarity of it). To make it more fun, I’d want my sister Apryl to go through the program with me. No, we wouldn’t need to take all the awesome generals in this scenario. It would just be one math class at a time. Why would I want Apryl in there with me? Duh! I’d have somebody that I can copy off of. No, not really. It’d be because we both would be answering the questions and skewing any curve and have the whole class hating us. That’s always fun.

Today’s useless trivia question: Which is not a real comic series in France/Belgium?
a) Les Schtroumpfs (in English, The Smurfs)
b) Les Aventures de Richard (The Adventures of Richard)
c) Bob et Bobbette (Bob and Bobbette)
d) Asterix (Aterix, hmmm….that one doesn’t really translate. Guess, technically, it’s Asterisk)

But Probings Are Scheduled

So a few months ago I wrote a random post with the title of First of All, Alien Abductions Are Not Voluntary. You can check out the randomness of that post here.

I honestly don’t know what that post was about and it doesn’t matter. Today will be another random day.

Having tv again has been a nice treat. I got to watch my Chargers lose (thanks a lot for repeating history). I got to watch The Big Bang Theory (thanks a lot CBS for moving my favorite tv show to a different time that makes it annoying that it’s not the first show on every Monday night). Of course, I’ve been able to add a couple of shows to what I watch (Castle, Accidentally on Purpose, and of course, my new show Human Target). I get to be excited when Survivor and Lost return to the air in February.

The funniest thing about The Big Bang Theory is the fact that last week’s new episode and this week’s rerun both mentioned cities outside of Pasadena. Well, I guess that’s not funny…yet. Last week, Sheldon decided to move to Bozeman, Montana in order to be safer. The first thing that happens, he gets robbed. My co-worker, Tami, is from Bozeman. I thought it was funny and we talked about it the next day at work (she loves The Big Bang Theory as well, so she knew what I was referring to.) Well, last night’s episode mentioned Oxnard, California. I didn’t grow up there, but I did live there for about 5 years. I thought it was hilarious that Oxnard was mentioned. Who mentions Oxnard? I still thought it was odd that one of extremely few episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 that I watched mentioned Ojai.

But, alas, I got tv at the end of football season. I can’t wait until September (maybe August) so I can watch weekends filled with football. Mary can wait, I’m sure. But Saturday college games as well as Sunday professional games. Hurry up. Until then, I’ve got some other shows to watch. But then Summer rolls around and it’ll be very rare when there’s a Dodgers game on. Basketball season will be ending, but with our tv we don’t get TNT, which means no b-ball for me really. KJZZ stopped showing Jazz games, which is why the station was named KJZZ to begin with. Oh well, maybe I’ll have to actually work on my book.

Speaking of, I still need to get my synopsis done. Of course, Casey is the slacker there. My intent: I’ll tell her to read this blog when she gets home and we’ll see if she remembers that Farkle on Facebook isn’t quite as IMPORTANT as my book. Then again, she’ll comment that now she won’t do it or something.

So, until then, vote for Elle. No wait, that isn’t right. Of course, I wouldn’t mind Reese Witherspoon playing in the all-girl football league. Utah has a team now. There’s called the Blitz or Blitzes or something. If they were all blond, could they be the ‘Ditzes’? That sounds better. Of course, it’s not bimbo bash, as my sister will surely tell you. Will I go to a game? Probably not. Why? Eh, no money, no time, too much writing to do. Pick one.

The answer to yesterday’s question was obviously answered here today. The Dodgers are the best team in the MLB. Why? Because they’re not the Yankees and don’t have thousands of fair-weather-fans throughout the U.S. Because they’re not the Rockies (did I need more for that one?). Because they were winning championships in Brooklyn and then continued to win them in L.A. Because they have the best hot dog in the world. Correction: it’s called a Dodger dog and is in its own league. Do I need more reasons? I think not, but I can come up with more.

Today’s useless trivia question is brought to you by the letter ‘L’ and the letter ‘A’ and of course, the letter ‘D’.

If I had all the money in the world to go get a second bachelor’s degree, what would it be in?
a) Math
b) Theater Arts
c) Physics
d) English

The answer may surprise some.

Too bad if you don’t like my favorite

Casey’s going to snore. Apryl’s going to disregard. Those are my Super Bowl Predictions for 2010. Other prediction? Eric’s going to cheer for both teams. So am I. Chris isn’t even going to watch. And the thousands of BYU fans are going to watch to see if Austin Collie will catch a touchdown in the Super Bowl. Charger fans will be angry for letting Drew Brees go for the cocky and arrogant Philip Rivers.

Of course, if you know me, over the past few years I’ve become a huge San Diego Chargers fan. Well, not a huge one, just a San Diego fan. In fact, Philip Rivers (if I’m spelling his first name right) is my favorite quarterback. Why? Well, I already answered that question: he’s cocky and arrogant. Yeah, he hasn’t won the big games. But it was awesome watching him trash talk Cutler from the sideline last year before the Denver game. The guy (who’s barely older than me) is truly awesome for not caring about what people think of him. He tries to get in people’s heads. When I played basketball (and yes, I did, but not anything truly competitive) I used to do that. Yeah, I’m like the shortest guy on the court. And there were far too many times that one of my opponents would go across the court for a layup. What would I do? Run to try and catch up to him (which is sad that short, round me used to be the closest guy to him as opposed to anyone else with long legs on my team) and just before the guy would take the shot I would yell, scream, and/or roar at him. Why? Because 50% of the time he missed.

Did you know that my sister is going to cringe when she finds out that I think Peyton Manning is the better quarterback between him and Brady? Did you know that I believe Manning has one of the great ability to manage his team on the field (FYI, he’s not there on defense)? Did you know that my third favorite quarterback in the NFL is Brees? I respect him for taking a team that has never been to an NFC championship game, much less a Super Bowl, and over the last four or five years, he’s been to the NFC championship twice in the last 4 years, and now they’re going to the Super Bowl. He’s not the greatest QB ever or anything. But he’s got a respectable career going for him.

Who are my least favorites? Well, Tom Brady is actually not on the bottom of my list. I don’t know where he sits, but he’s not bottom three. Those location go to Brett Favre, Tony Romo, and Michael Vick. That’s just quarterbacks. My least favorite player is Terrell Owens. Seriously? Does he think he’s the only wide receiver in the NFL? Should the other ten guys on your team do nothing? Should the defense sit there and watch you catch the ball and run for a touchdown? Are you talented? Yes. Are you the only one that can catch a ball? Nope. Not at all. I gotta say, I lost some respect for Buffalo for that transaction. Didn’t gain any for Dallas of course.

Do I have a favorite team? Yeah, that’d be San Diego. Closest thing to an L.A. team. Plus, they’ve been dominating a weak AFC West lately. I really have been a closet Indy fan (I’m afraid that Apryl will kill me for saying that). But come on, Indy is one of those teams that use to be on the bottom level and has fought hard to come back up with Peyton at QB. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Patriots were 1-15 in the early 1990s at one point, still don’t like overkill dominance. Hence why I’m not a Dallas or San Fran fan. Funny, still a Pittsburgh fan, as they’re my 3rd favorite team.

Of course, there are those four teams that everyone should be rooting for at this point. They are: Detroit, Jacksonville, Houston, and Cleveland. Houston, still semi-new, is doing awesome for being in a tough AFC South. One game from getting to the playoffs this year. Go Texans. Detroit has made it to the NFC Championship game, but they’re the only NFC team to never make it to the Super Bowl. Even the Seahawks switched conferences and made it to the big game. I honestly don’t think the Detroit Lions will ever make it to the Super Bowl. But maybe the L.A. Lions will. Hint, hint. Jacksonville and Cleveland can both thank (or blame) Elway and the Broncos for never arriving at the big game. But then again, should they blame their defense more? Of course I think the Jacksonville Jaguars would have a better shot at the Super Bowl if they were the L.A. Jaguars. Or, bring both Detroit and Jacksonville to L.A. and you’d get two ferocious feline teams. My sister may like that. Shoot, she’d like an NFL team in the one city that deserves one. And having one from each conference will help the economy. Why? Well, duh! She’s going to buy season tickets to both teams. And she’ll buy them for her husband. How is that not helping the economy? Seriously.

Anyway, I’m pleased to see the Colts return and remind the nation that there are more than two AFC teams (Patriots and Steelers). And I’m glad to see the Saints finally make it.

The answer to my last question is D. Go read it since you know you forgot

So, today’s question will be on baseball. Because, let’s face it, I’ve talked a lot of football today. Baseball season is only a few months away.

What is my favorite baseball team?
a) San Diego Padres
b) Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
c) Los Angeles Dodgers
d) Oakland A’s
e) San Francisco Giants
f) New York Yankees

Three Down, Wow

I did it. Finally, I finished my 3rd draft. Sure it’s got some grammar errors that need to be fixed, descriptions that need to be added, and other descriptions that need to be shortened. There are probably a few clarifying points that need to be done. But you know what, I’m done with the third draft. Not only have I written a book, I’ve written the same book 3 times. That’s so impressive to me. I am one to never finish something that I start, just ask my dad, he’ll agree with me. So for me to have the patience to take 4 1/2 years to write this book, it’s a huge deal. Even if it never is published, it’s still an accomplishment.

This time, the story ends. It’s not a cliffhanger. There is a finite ending with some lingering questions available to go with for a sequel, and I wholeheartedly intend to write a sequel to this if it is published.

So, what’s next? Well, I’ve got to send to more agents (since only one of the other set of agents has responded semi-positively, and I’m still awaiting a further response from that one). But before more agents start receiving mail from me, I’ve got to prepare a synopsis. Wow, I never realized this before, but writing a concise synopsis sucks. Most people want 2-5 pages, as I’ve said. I just am having so much difficulty writing a synopsis. There is one agent who has asked for a chapter-by-chapter synopsis. My plan is to go through and write that. Hopefully, I can do a paragraph for each chapter and that will give me a basis to do a more concise synopsis (because the chapter-by-chapter one will probably take up 8-9 pages.)

But it’s cool, I’ve got 24 chapters plus a prologue in Eli and the Amethyst. I cannot believe that I’ve got that much done. It wasn’t easy, I gotta say (wow! Gotta is a word per WordPress?) it was definitely nice to say “I’m done!” again.

After I get some fine-tuning done on this book, my main plan is to start working on a completely different story. Yep. That’s my plan. Now that’s going to be very difficult to do. But I’ve got time before I try to adjust to that.

In answer to last time’s question, I’m going to have to narrow it down first (the question was which ‘universe’ would I want to live in.) I think I’ll have to rule out being a Jedi in the Star Wars universe. It’s far too much physical activity. I’m a lot lazier than that. I will probably have to say that my fear of heights may turn me against the Star Trek universe. The Magic multiverse or the Arrassnel universe. Well, since I created the Arrassnel universe, it’d be biased for me to say that I would like to live there. But, the Magic multiverse is awesome because it contains so many different worlds and magics, similar to Arrassnel. So, I’ll go with the Magic multiverse.

Today’s useless trivia question: Why did I choose the stone that Eli has in my book to be an amethyst?
a) It’s my birthstone, so it’s a vanity honoring to myself.
b) It’s Mary’s birthstone, so I’m honoring Mary.
c) purple is my favorite color, so I’m vainly honoring myself.
d) my mom was obsessed with purple and amethysts, so I’m honoring her with it.