The Longest Two Months of the Year

So, when I worked at Blendtec, I had a conversation with one of my co-workers there concerning July and August and their length. If you take any two consecutive months out of the year, there are only two occurrances where two months have 62 days: December and January are one, July and August are the other. Now, why are Jul/Aug longer than Dec/Jan? Easy, what happens between December 1st and January 31st? Well, there’s the obvious answers of my birthday (24th) and my anniversary (18th), along with my dearly-departed mother’s birthday (14th). But, on to the less obvious answers.

For school there’s winter break. For the religious there’s Christmas, Channakuh, and Kwanzaa. For the religious partiers, there’s New Year’s Eve. For people who like rights, there’s Martin Luther King Jr. Day (for those in Utah, that’s what normal people call Human Rights Day). You just had Thanksgiving and it’s fattening food shortly before December started, and you’re looking at buying heart shaped objects, chocolates, and flowers, and annoying little Valentine’s Day’s cards that no one keeps anyway. So, for those two months there’s so much going on that it doesn’t really matter that there’s 62 days. You’ve got far too much to do.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, in the middle of the year, you’ve got the 4th of July. One big explosive day. For those privileged Utahns (and I’ve heard the occasional Idaho or Arizona city) there’s Pioneer Day when Brigham Young said “This is the place” and non-Mormons in Utah heard “Excuse to drink”. There’s back-to-school time (a parent’s celebration, a child’s dread). There’s preparation for college (or for my friend Emily, apparently there are finals in August). There’s just work. It’s the hottest time of the year. Ventura County has it’s awesome fair (like a mini-cheapo-Disneyland invades the fairgrounds with a bunch of loud, disgusting pigs (both the two-legged and four-legged variety). But really, for me, August is filled with a bunch of birthdays that we should celebrate as holidays. There’s my nephew Joshua (8th), my dad (13th), most importantly my wife (20th) (oh wait, that’s coming up soon, better plan something), and then my humble, empathetic, devoted, beautiful friend Casey’s b-day (29th).  (You do realize that Casey is most likely to read this, right?) My co-worker Tami has about 5 birthdays next week she’s got to deal with. So, besides the fact that people are apparently bored around Thanksgiving, there’s not a whole lot going on in July and August. Thankfully, there’s Labor Day in a few weeks. Then you’ve got the whole preparation for Halloween that follows Labor Day (ok, we all know that’s when people start the Christmas shopping). Anyway, I say we institute National Long Month Week and all get Holiday pay for the middle week of August.


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