What’d you say?

Have you ever been sick with a nasty head cold and things just don’t seem to make sense? Or if they do make sense, it’s not the way that it should? You’re stuffed up with some sort of nasty fluid that you would love to take a hose, stick it to your ears and nose (not at once of course) and let every fluid in your head drain out to the ground (or elsewhere if preferred). Anyway, that’s how I feel right now.

Now, whether you’re sick or not, sometimes you hear or read things that actually are way too strange that they can’t be true. Normally, they’re not true and you totally missed what was really said. Well, in my life, my family and friends have had the opportunity to make fools of themselves by saying “Did that just say ___” or “Did you just say ____” and I wish to share some of them with you.

The number one best example of “Quick Reading Gone Wrong” from my family is my dad. We were sitting watching tv as a family and there was some sort of news segment or something concerning Queen Latifah. Well, for some strange reason, my dad thought he saw something different. And he had to verbalize his confusion. “Did that just say  ‘Queen Lotta-fish?'” My family still laughs at this one. So if something like Chicago is on we’ll jokingly point out the warden and say “Look Dad, there’s Queen Lotta-fish.”

In the song “One Week” by “Barenaked Ladies” I once had a friend tell me that it was a perverted racist song. I was confused by his remark as he explained the lyrics to me. In the song, he claimed that the singer said “I like to see a naked chick, I like vanilla, it’s the finest of the flavors.” Well, that’s very perverted and racist sounding. However, I kinda didn’t believe him. Well, when I finally bought the cd with that song, I read the lyrics. (Yes, people bought cd’s ten years ago instead of borrowing them from their friends and ripping them onto their computer, which is illegal no matter how easy it is or how nice things are when they’re ‘free’.) Anyway, I read the lyrics in the cd cover. They state “I like a stinkin’ achin’ shake, I like vanilla, it’s the finest of the flavors.” Funny? Yes. I still laugh at this one.

Now, since I was in a car accident in 2007, I have had a pain in my neck (I know, so easy to make jokes about it). Well, with that pain seems to have brought on some hearing loss (before the accident I had difficulty hearing some things but was told I have exceptional hearing upon receiving a hearing test).  Well, Mary will tell me something and it will totally sound like something else. I really can’t give a good example right now, but trust me they’re funny. Well, I’ll create an example. She’s said things like “Honey, can you take the trash out?” and I will hear “Honey, can you cake the rash out?”

Sometimes though, we hear something and we have no idea what is being said to us. If it was written down we could identify each term said; but for some reason, it still doesn’t make sense. During my 2nd year at Utah State University my friend Necia was going through an English paper for me, critiquing it to help me clarify my points. Well, she went through a one-to-two-minute explanation of what she thought needed fixing. After she was done I looked her square in the eye and said, “I know you’re trying to make a point. I just don’t know what it is.”

And finally, there are examples of when people just aren’t paying attention to what is being said because,  frankly, the listener (or rather, the hearer) just doesn’t care. I’ll share two classic examples of this: one from a movie, the other from a tv show. When Mary and I started dating we watched a lot of movies; because that’s pretty much what we did from June 19, 2004 (the day she moved back to Logan) until July 20, 2006 (the day Lizzie was born). Anyway, one of the movies oft-quoted between Mary and I (as well as her older brother) is Mr. Deeds. In that movie Winona Ryder plays Babe Bennett, a reporter intent on getting the dirt on Longfellow Deeds (played by Adam Sandler). Well, Deeds learns that Babe has been lying to him and leaves her to go back to his small-town in New Jersey. Babe boldly goes to Deeds’ pizza shop where she finds Deeds’ friend Jan (played by Conchata Ferrell). Babe does her best to explain the situation to Jan and how she truly loves Deeds. Jan’s reply still makes me laugh. “I’m sorry, all I heard was ‘blah, blah, blah, I’m a dirty tramp.'”

The second example is from my favorite tv show, The Big Bang Theory. Jim Parsons does an awesome job as Sheldon Cooper. In the first season episode, “The Hamburger Postulate,” Sheldon has two great lines for Johnny Galecki’s Leonard Hofstadter. First, Leonard is explaining a situation involving his love of Kaley Cuoco’s Penny and his current ‘relationship’ with Sara Gilbert’s Leslie Winkle. As they walk up the stairs to their apartment, Leonard explains his very confusing web of relationships to which Sheldon replies “You’re a lucky man, Leonard…You’re talking to one of three people in the Western Hemisphere capable of following that train of thought.” When Leonard asks Sheldon’s opinion, Sheldon says, “I said I could follow it, that doesn’t mean I care.” And at the end of the episode when Sheldon seemingly is ignoring Leonard’s remarks, Leonard asks if Sheldon’s paying attention. To which, Leonard replies, “Yes, blah blah blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah blah blah.”

So, I know this probably isn’t my best post. But being as sick as I am, I’m glad I was able to type it up.

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