Top 10 Annoying Things About Utah

(Note: The majority of this list is a comical take on Utah life. However, I do agree with my list, if you don’t, don’t cry about. There are things that annoy me about California and Belgium. I’m not that narrow minded.)

I’ve lived in Utah for over 6 years now. I love it here. We actually get to see 4 seasons. Well, Autumn is like the Super Bowl and has hype for about 2 weeks and then once it’s gone, everyone’s looking for it again.

10. Utah Jazz fans – Guess what Utah, there’s more than one state that’s in love with their basketball team. You do not have the most fans. You do not have the best team. Now, the Jazz are a great team, no denying that. They’re well-loved by fans. Again, no, denying that. But you see, I come from So Cal, a little close to a team called the Los Angeles Lakers. (Oh, and fyi Utah, the Lakers have no real feud with you. That’s absurd! They’re too good to hold a feud.) Now, let’s see there are almost 3 million people in Utah. Los Angeles county? Over 9 million. This doesn’t include Orange County, San Diego County, Ventura County, Riverside County, Imperial County, San Bernadino County, or Santa Barbara County that all make up a good part of So Cal. Utah Jazz are a great team, but they’re not the best in the world and you’re not the only people in the nation that say “My team is the best.” Duh!

9. BYU vs U of U – Seriously? This is the worst feud I’ve ever seen. I don’t care what you say. Michigan vs Ohio State and USC vs UCLA don’t hold such ill will. BYU’s full of Mormons. Yeah, there are a lot at the U as well. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that BYU fans are the most sinfully prideful people I’ve ever met. “My school’s called of God.” No, your school is set up by the church that was called of God (religious belief here that is not up for argument) but God could care less if BYU wins a national champion. He’s a little too busy making sure his children get back to him to worry about some football, basketball, or hockey game. I’m not kidding on that.

8. Rain Drivers – I love the rain. Everyone knows that. At least, you should. I loved El Nino and the news stations saying “Storm Watch (current year)”. So what’s the problem with the rain? Utah drivers freak out when it rains! Yes, I understand that if it were to snow in Ventura you’d have to shut the city down, kinda like Las Vegas last December. But rain is a lot easier to drive in than snow. However, Utah drivers act like “it’s not snow, I should be able to go 80 without a problem still, it’s just a little water.” Little water? Sure. Lot of oil being brought up from the ground = Lot’s of bad Utah drivers getting into accidents.

7. Mormons – Hey Tim (T.J.), aren’t you Mormon? Yep, and darn proud. No, I take that back. I try not to be so prideful about my religion. Putting other religions down is actually against the teachings of the church. Acting like you’re better than everyone else is what led to the Nephites downfall. It’s in the Book of Mormon, check it out sometime. It’s supposedly the book that sets this religion apart and we have a strong belief in.

6. Human Rights Day – So, how many states don’t call it Martin Luther King, Jr. Day? Is it so bad to respect someone who fought for true freedom for his race. Now, I don’t support Obama (and certainly not his Nobel Peace Prize. Not up for debate either). King did a lot of great things for people. I respect him. I don’t worship him like Jesus or God. I still praise him for bringing light to equality though just like I praise Joseph Smith for his humility and the things he went to in the act of freedom of religion.

5. Pioneer Day – I think it’s awesome that Brigham Young led the Mormons away from religious oppressors. I think it’s awesome that Utahans celebrate the birth of their state. I don’t have a problem with that. But don’t go to California and say, “So what do you guys do for the 24th?” (July 24th is when Brigham Young told everyone they were at their destination.) California Mormons don’t celebrate your state! Why would we? We don’t hold festivals because Utah was founded. That was my favorite question when I moved to Utah.

4.What California life is ‘really’ like – Don’t tell me about my state. On my current favorite comedy, The Big Bang Theory, Howard tells Raj about India culture. And Raj says, “Why are you telling me about my own people?” If you’ve never been to California, and going to Disneyland or trade shows really doesn’t count. That’s like saying I’ve really experienced British culture because I’ve spent 9 hours of my life at London Heathrow Airport. No, the OC isn’t accurate. Neither is Beverly Hills 90210 (either incarnation) or Melrose Place. Saved by the Bell doesn’t relate. TV isn’t accurate. Utahans should relate. Is Big Love true? Absolutely not. Really, don’t tell me about So Cal. Nor Cal, don’t care, never been. You can talk about it all you want.

5. What California scenery is ‘really’ like – You know that all of California isn’t next to the coast, right? Palm Desert is really in a desert terrain. Palmdale ain’t next to the ocean. Yes, Ojai is a lot closer than Salt Lake is to the ocean. But no, it’s not next to it. Oh, guess what. There are mountains in California. Mt. Whitney has the highest point in the lower 48 states. Check it out here. Utah’s highest point at King’s Peak is over 1,000 feet below Whitney. Yes, the average California city is in a lower elevation, but, guess what, there’s nowhere in Utah below 2,000ft.

4. The Rain itself – What is this stuff, acid rain? Seriously, it’s so bad it can literally eat through the paint on your car. It’s like the dirties rain I’ve ever seen. You come inside from the rain and it’s you need to shower because you somehow got muddy walking from your car to your house without hitting any puddles.

3. Inversion – What is this? Everyone else calls it smog. It’s a dirty four letter word, I know, but seriously. Inversion? And Logan has the worst ‘inversion.’ While I was there people were like “the air quality in Logan is the worst in the nation today.” So? In L.A. we call that Thanksgiving or a non-rainy Christmas. I grew up with smog. Clean air is nice, but quit whining about it when it gets a little smoggy around here. I come from the smog. At least your white shirts don’t turn yellow.

2. Drivers in general – STOP….FLASHING….YOUR….BRIGHTS….AT……ME. I get so annoyed with that. In California if you want to get ahead of someone, you move around them. Novel idea. If I’m going 90 between Beaver and Cedar City and you’re going 110 and think I’m going too slow, I ain’t budging. MOVE AROUND!!!!! Seriously! One of these days if you flash your brights I may be fed up enough to flash a finger your direction and yell at you to move around.

1. Construction – Yes, above all else, construction in Utah is the most ridiculous thing. I saw a guy with a shirt once that said, “Welcome to Utah, expect delays.” I said, “Yeah, every time I’ve come to Utah there’s construction.” He ignorantly replied, “No, it’s because traffic is so bad.” Since when was that true. Yeah, SLC has some pretty nasty afternoon traffic. But I’d rather deal with SLC’s bad day at 5 over the 405’s good day at 5. Back to the construction. It takes them forever to widen a street. It’s seriously some sort of greedy conspiracy or something. Right now, they’re adding a freeway exit. Now that’s a sucky process to begin with. But in Utah if it says it’ll be completed in 5 days, it’ll be completed in 10. I’m not kidding, I saw a project that said “CLOSED 8/3-8/7”. They changed the sign on 8/10 to read “UNDER CONSTRUCTION UNTIL 8/14.”

Thank you for reading the top 10 annoying things about Utah. As I said, I could do the same thing about California and Belgium (and of course France, but that’s too easy). Maybe one day I will. But this was my topic for Top 10 Day.


9 Responses

  1. I already made a lot of my comments to you in IM, cause we’ll I didn’t want to comment on EVERYTHING here. ๐Ÿ˜€

    8. Colorado has some of the worst drivers anywhere. I say that because they didn’t learn to drive in California and they really really really do not understand how a merge works. Noah and I want to beam them to the 405 at 4pm on a Wednesday and say figure out how to get to the coast — oh and please, be sure you use your blinker. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    4. NorCal is a different state. When people say they’re from NorCal, I say “I’m sorry”. When someone mentions they want to move to NorCal I ask “Why?”

    3. In Denver “inversion” is called The Brown Cloud. Makes it sound so…picturesque?

    2. Three words: Moving Road Block. ‘Nough said. ๐Ÿ˜€

    1. Boulder has 2 seasons: College and Construction. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. You do realize two things?

    1. You have 12 things on your list, and

    2. What you said is as true for Utah as it is for Texas, Oklahoma, Michigan, and every other state I have visited or lived in.

  3. Yes, yes, yes…please stop “telling” me about California.

    One REALLY annoying thing here in Los Angeles is all of the transplants that act a certain way because they think that is what they are supposed to do now that they live here. Guess what, natives don’t go on Yoga Hikes, do Feng Shui on their offices, or eat effin granola. Get a clue. Better yet, go the heck home. Stop breathing my air, driving my roads, surfing my waves, and taking up space on my golf course. You freaking posers.

    Yes, I feel better now.

  4. Oh yeah, and most of that “smog” is the marine layer, idiots.

  5. Joseph, Think of the other two as honorable mentions.

    Apryl, Yeah, that will be on my list of the top 10 annoying things about California.

  6. 10- Utah Jazz fans – I talked with missionaries from California on my mission in Texas who claimed they hate the Jazz and many other Lakers fans hate the Jazz as well. I have some proof that there is a mutual hatred.

    9- BYU & Utah fans – I’ve heard a few times on sports networks that the BYU – Utah rivalry is actually pretty big.

    2- Drivers – There is a speed limit, but there’s also signs posted along the freeway telling slow drivers to keep to the right. I’ve heard that you’re supposed to stay out of the fast lane on 2 lane highways unless you’re passing vehicles. On 4-5 lane highways its best to just get out of the lane if someone wants to pass you. That’s just my opinion.

    Interesting views on Utah. I know you’re only venting and I know that every state has its issues but when I hear people seriously complain about Utah, I wonder why they’re living here? I know you’re not that bad but I do get a kick out of it.

    • Just out of my morbid curiosity, how many of the Laker fans who hate the Jazz are Mormon? Perhaps you’re seeing the result of California Mormons disliking Utah Mormons. That rivalry is very real. Of course, if you show me a bunch of non-LDS Laker fans who hate the Jazz, then I’ll see the validity to what you’ve told me and retract what I’ve said concerning it.

  7. Now that I think about it. One of the missionaries did seem hostile toward people that disagreed with him. He didn’t like Utah and hated it when missionaries teased him about Utah being the promised land. There were missionaries and church members who didn’t like Utah. They liked their states. Though I don’t have proof, its probably more of a hearsay that Laker fans hate Utah. Gotta love rumors, right?

  8. […] done annoying top ten list. No seriously, I have the word annoying in their titles. There was the ten things about Utah, things people complain about, and things I’ve never done that people got annoyed at. […]

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