Bad Songs

I haven’t done a top 10 in a while. So, today I’m going to do bad songs. And when I say bad, I’m not meaning Michael Jackson “Bad.” I’m meaning songs that when I hear them and/or get them stuck in my head, I want to run to the nearest shark and say “Please bite my head off like in some cliche movie.” Or at the very least tell the aliens  “Please abduct me now and erase that part of my memory!”

But without further bad cliches of my own, the Top 10 Songs I Do Not Want in My Head Even Though They’re There!

10. Who Needs Sleep?: This is definitely number 10 (mostly because I can’t really think of another one and Casey had this song stuck in her head at 3 in the morning and my boss did at 3:30. Not really, but it does fit.) This song is really cool. However, if you listen to it twice in a row your mind will be playing it the rest of the day. Believe me. I thought it was cool enough to listen to it that way a few too many times. And when I say a few too many, I’m meaning something that’s greater than 0.

9. Wannabe: Well, duh! The Spice Girls were going to make this list. I mean, honestly. Who didn’t expect them on here? And honestly, this is definitely a song that so many girls would say “This is about me and my girls.” No it’s not! Scary Spice didn’t write it for you. Baby Spice ain’t talkin’ about you. Sporty Spice ain’t lip-singing for ya. Ginger Spice ain’t about to betray you for her own thing. And Mrs. Becham really doesn’t care about you. I mean look at her snooty nose. That chick is very annoying. Wait, what was i talking about? Eh, who cares, ragging on the Spice Girls is always fun. (And yes, I named all five. I heard there names enough and watched their dumb movie even.)

8. Livin’ La Vida Loca: Now that Ricky Martin has come out, I can call this the gayest song ever without hesitation, right? (I know, that was cruel and mean, but sometimes, those jokes are just fun to say because you’re laughing at them.)

7. Macarena: Put your right hand palm down out in front of you. Now your left. Flip your right hand palm up. Now your left. Cross your right hand into the inside of your left elbow. Now the same with your left into the inside of your right elbow. Put your right hand behind your head. The same with your left. Cross your right hand onto your left hip. Left hand on right hip. Right hand on right butt cheek. Left hand on left butt cheek. Wiggle wiggle wiggle. Jump 90 degrees to your right. Repeat a nauseating amount of times. Did you want more info on why this is annoying?

6. Hey Mickey: You’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Yeah, isn’t it great that I’m sure half of you started singing along with my writing there? Anyway, this song is annoying. It’s music video is a frat party dream (which goes to show that MTV was the 1980s version of XBox360. Isn’t that a little odd to look at it that way? I assure you, it’s very true though.) I mean, why else have a bunch of cheerleaders in mini skirts doing a large pyramid? It’s not for the girls to say “Wow! I want to be able to do that!” It was for the guys to say it. (If you don’t know what I mean…well…oh well, moving on….)

5. Oops I Did It Again: I still want my Spear Britney shirt. On the other hand, I gotta go back to giving her kudos for making a semi-decent comeback in her career just to please a whole new set of 15-year old boys. (Thankfully I was 17 when I first heard her songs and was already to wise on her annoying songs.) However, I have to admit, as I did a little over a month ago, she’s actually a lot hotter than I gave her credit for in high school. Of course, in high school I was anti-trendy. (Oh wait, I’m still that way.)

4. MmmBop: Yeah, I went there. Hanson can kiss my Hungarian Hiney. I can’t stand them. I remember when my brother Chris and I were first watching MTV and a music video of theirs was playing. My question at the time was: “Who are the ugly chicks playing this annoying song?” Oh? They’re not chicks? They’re songs popular. I gotta agree with Bill Engvall when he said he wanted to ‘mmmBop that cd out of the window’ or something like that.

3. My Heart Will Go On: You see, this used to be number 1. There are two reasons that saved this from garnering that top spot. 1) It was too easy to mock. Its lyrics “Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you.” My lyrics: “Every night in my dream, if I see you, I’ll kill you.” Simply fun. 2) If you don’t have Celine’s annoying voice and just one person playing this on a piano, it’s absolutely beautiful. No, I’m not kidding. As a musical piece this song is actually pretty good. With that said, as soon as I hear someone singing about moving on with their life and letting go of a dead lover, I’m over it.

2. Santa Baby: In my post last December, I wrote about how this song absolutely irritates me. It’s annoying and slutty all at the same time. This chick wants to get with a 500-year old, 400-pound, married dude! I mean, isn’t there something wrong with that? Eartha Kitt (may she rest in peace for being otherwise awesome) and Madonna just grate my nerves.

1. (Hit Me) Baby, One More Time: Yes, Britney does top my list. It’s a love-hate relationship. I think she looks good (my wife’s still hotter, but that’s not the point) but I hate her music. Why is this song really number 1? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because my junior and senior year of high school, whenever somebody would say “I’ve got a song stuck in my head” I’d end up with this song in there instead. Even if I were to say something like “Oh, I have ___ stuck in my head,” my brain would punish me. It would say “You think that’s annoying?! HERE! Bwahahahahahah!!!!!!” And then I’m really wishing for an alien abduction. My weapon against them would be to play this song! Thank you Britney for keeping the aliens away. But you need to get it playing again.

Anyway, it’s Friday. I’m at work. It’s a holiday supposedly. But the auditors are at work until some unholy hour today. And this was a lot better of a post than ranting and raving about auditors. Well, I could do a post about bubble gum but that’d just be a step above auditors. Or my review of last night’s Survivor. Anyway:

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

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4 Responses

  1. If I get “Who Needs Sleep” stuck in my head again, I’m sending the =:) after you.

  2. You forgot Gwen Stephani’s “Hollaback Girl”. You’re welcome.

  3. Oops, and I misspelled her name – should be Stefani.

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