The Seven Other Dwarfs

Last week, I posted about Disney’s seven dwarfs. (If you missed the trivia, when the brothers Grimm wrote the story of Snow White, the dwarfs were nameless.) Here are the seven other dwarfs. See, the story (at least the way I tell it) goes that Doc, Happy, and Grumpy were the only three original dwarfs from the seven we know. They also had Dorky, Geeky, Nerdy, and Bob with them. However, No one really understood why Bob was with them. He was plain and ordinary. And eventually, all six of them banded together and kicked Bob out. “That’s fine,” he says now. See, Bob became a wealthy billionaire. Bob was replaced with Sneaky.

Well, everything was good for the seven dwarfs, until Geeky and Nerdy got a little too smart for their own good. They invented super-robots to replace all the dwarfs at the mine in an efficient effort to be lazy. One day, when Geeky and Nerdy went to go check on the robots, it was discovered that said robots didn’t want to obey the inferior orders of the non-metal dwarfs. After the other five discovered the two corpses, Doc figured out how to shut the robots down.

Soon, Snotty and Sneezy became replacements for the dead ‘wise-guys’. Both of them were full of…well…you know…but they weren’t the cause of the worries of the dwarfs. Sneaky had been secretly taking extra jewels and gems and selling them on the side. One drunken night, Sneaky confessed to his misdeeds to Dorky. Dorky ratted him out to the other dwarfs. Well, after Dorky mysteriously ‘disappeared’ the other dwarfs blamed Sneaky and kicked him out of the cottage.

Grumpy tripped over Sleepy one day who was near Sleazy. Feeling obliged to get the group back to seven, Grumpy invited the two back tot he cottage. So, again, our seven dwarfs here were a good group as Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy, Snotty, Sneezy, Sleazy, and Doc. But, you see, Sleazy started sleeping in and showing up to work late. One day, Grumpy grew annoyed at his laziness and decided to follow him. Well, Sleazy was visiting another cottage by the wayside every night. Grumpy was about to kick Sleazy out when Sleazy told Grumpy that the upset dwarf could blackmail the promiscuous one. Well, Grumpy didn’t want any of that. He said “I’m Grumpy, not Greedy!” (Yeah, Greedy was his college roommate and Grumpy swore that Greedy would never be invited to the group as a Seven Dwarf.) So, Grumpy convinced the others that Sleazy needed to get out of the group.

The next day, Happy was looking at the awesome group of coworkers that he had and was surprised that he counted seven. He looked for Sleazy, but couldn’t find him. Then there was one he didn’t recall. He went up to him to discover that his name was Bashful. Bashful explained that he’d been following the group into the mine for weeks. But was too shy to ask to join them. One day, Doc handed him a pick-axe and told him to mine a corner. So he did. So, without trying, they were back to seven.

But, alas, Grumpy had another problem. Snotty and Sneezy were creating far too many phlegm-filled days for him. He couldn’t handle how much snot ended up everywhere. And he started to campaign against Sneezy, because of the projectile snot that came from him as opposed to the leaky faucet of Snotty. Eventually, this led to a vote between the other five dwarfs on which one would leave. Grumpy started campaigning against Sneezy. Well, Snotty said, “This isn’t Seven Dwarf Survivor!” and he left. Supposedly, Snotty became an allergist and cured his own snot problem. But as revenge, never went to help Sneezy out.

Finally, Doc decided that six was just too evil a number for the troop and they had to find a replacement. Finally, they found Dopey working as a mime near the palace. They invited him to join their troop. Everyone but Grumpy approved of Dopey’s admittance as a Seven Dwarf.

And that folks is the story of the Seven Other Dwarfs as I tell it.

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

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