The Dad Chart

Yes, I’m spending precious NaNoWriMo time blogging. If I don’t meet my NaNo goal, doesn’t much matter. I’ll be published one day. Still not happening today. So maybe tomorrow.

Anyway, I’m a father with 2 extremely cute kids. Don’t believe me? Perhaps you should ask the 5,000 people who have stopped me, my wife, or our families in public just to let us know that our children are cute. Seriously, Japanese tourists wanted to take pictures of my daughter because she was so cute. Good thing I wasn’t there or I would’ve punched them out for being perverted. (I’m not an overprotective father, no worries.)

So, my friend and I were discussing the other day what type of dad I was. Well, I brought it up. Anyway, we were discussing how being an adult and father is different from being a teenager who just thinks their life is difficult. And we came up with examples of the different kind of fathers that there are. It took a while to come up with one of the examples, but I present to you “The Dad Chart”

Now, it’s Uber-Awesome because I created it, not because of the people that are on it. Time to analyze (like you didn’t know that was coming.)

Homer Simpson: Immature level: HIGH. Responsibility level: LOW. Who else reads a death threat and says “Oh no, someone’s trying to kill me. Oh wait, this is for you Bart, nevermind”? But then again, who screams when he sees a sign that says “DIE” on it and then screams louder when the wind blows the trees blocking the last letter to say “DIET”? (Ok, I probably would.)

Tim Taylor: Immature level: high. Responsibility level: Medium. This guy is the ultimate alpha-male (Sorry Michael Scott, Tim came first to tv.) But he did love his children and acted as ‘dad’ very well.

Cliff Huxtable: Immature level: medium. Responsibility level: Medium. No one defines ’embarrassing dad’ quite like Cliff Huxtable. From his ugly sweaters to his bad dancing and poor in-the-presence-of-the-daughter’s-boyfriend behavior, Cliff did his best to remind his children that he always was ready for what they through at him. But he did throw back some tough love as well.

Jack Geller: Immature level: medium. Responsibility level: MEDIUM. (This is Ross and Monica’s dad from the TV show FRIENDS.) The reason that he’s probably in the best position here with some equality between maturity and responsibility is that he had an adult relationship with his children. He had some times when he was the responsible Dad (like when he helped Monica get over Richard) and other times when he was very immature (like drinking a can of Sweetened Condensed Milk).

Danny Tanner: Immature level: LOW. Responsibility level: high. Remember Full House? Mary-Kate and Ashley being cute instead of acting like they’re hot (sorry, they’re not IMO.) Well, you’ve got this single dad doing his best to make his family work. He felt extremely responsible for everything going on in his house. The man was raising 3 daughters by himself (with some sidekicks that stole the show.) But honestly, he was very much for organized fun and cleanliness. (Why he didn’t marry Monica Geller…)

Mike Brady: Immature level: LOW. Responsibility level: High. Yeah, everyone’s got a problem. Go tell dad. Dad fixes problem. The end. How boring are you?

Max Sheffield: Immature level: Dangerously LOW. Responsibility level: HIGH. Snooty, stuck up, wealthy, but stupid. Seriously, who hires some Mary Kay chick off the street to watch his children? With that one lapse of judgment (the guy was raising 3 children by himself…hmmm….sounds eerily familiar…) this guy was way too responsible. I mean, he even kept the annoying blonde who threw herself at him at the drop of a hat away from him. (He did have a cool butler, though. Who wouldn’t want a butler?)

There you have 7 dads to look at in the list Immaturity – Strict/Responsible scale. (Not that strict and responsible are the same, but often the more ‘responsibility’ one feels, the more ‘strict’ one becomes.) So, if you’re a dad where do you fit on this list.

(Author’s NOTE: Blonde is not misspelled. This is the original French spelling and it has only been recently that the ‘e’ has been dropped. Were there one too many dumb blonde jokes that caused this to happen?)

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.


2 Responses

  1. I too get stopped all the time for people to gawk at my son. One guy at a store even asked Logan’s opinion on what he should buy.

    I always picture Jack with the can of sweetened condensed milk – that and I love Jacques Cousteau!

    Oh yeah, and I agree that blonde is correct. WP even thinks so. đŸ™‚

  2. While, yes, Homer is insanely immature and irresponsible, he does have his moments:

    –He gave up his “dream job” of working at the bowl-a-rama to go back to the power plant when Maggie came along (Do It For Her)

    –He sold his ticket on the Duff blimp so he could enter Lisa in a beauty contest to build her self-esteem.

    –He bought Lisa a new sax instead of buying a much needed A/C unit.
    (the list goes on)

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