So, this is in response to my friend Tamara and her blog post about intolerance. Really, it’s the last section that set off this spewage of thoughts that I’m going to share with you today. Well, they’re more memories that Tamara reminded me of when she expressed that she looked like a 17-year old knocked up girl. (Of course, I agree with David…she looks 19.)
Anyway, here are some memories of people misappropriating age.
My cousin has had fairly youthful looks and voice for most of her life. She and her husband both worked until she was close to her due date with their first child. Well, there were a lot of men who flirted with her, even when she wore her wedding ring. These flirtations took on a different level when they expressed interest in the unwed-teenage-mother-to-be who was really 29 at the time. Wow! Some guys are just too…well…you know.
Speaking of being young, my sister, who I will say is beautiful, hated her age (maybe that should be present tense). Well, one day, when she was about 20-and-then-some we were at a restaurant with our parents and she ordered a drink from the bar. The waitress asked to see her idea. Now, the waitress had to be at least 22, 23. And my sister looked a few years older than this waitress (sorry Apryl, but it’s true). But my sister was sincerely complimented by this request. “I’ll gladly show you my driver’s license. Enjoy!”
And then there are two stories of my wife concerning Vegas. When we were dating, she joined me on a trip from Logan to Las Vegas to visit my brother for a disappointing 4th of July celebration (meaning no real fireworks). Well, after we got there, my brother and sister-in-law asked me into the kitchen. They wanted to eat at a nice restaurant, but one of the ones they had in mind was for only those over 21. They were both expecting me to say that Mary was 18. Mary is actually 4 months older than me and was almost 22 at the time.
A month later, I was playing at a blackjack table in Vegas. Mary and I were engaged at the time. She came up behind me and started scratching my back. The dealer looked at her and said “Are you old enough to be here?” Well, Mary’s wallet was in the car and we didn’t want to have to go get it. So I looked at him (the dealer) and said “Dude, she’s older than me.” He looked back at me and said “Man, you older than dirt!” Yeah, that one felt good. At least she didn’t get kicked out.
And let’s make things a little more fun here and how old I’m not. All through high school, when I turned in an absent-note, the people at the window where I turned it in at would begin looking in the Seniors folder for my absentee sheet. They did this my Freshman, Sophomore, and Junior year. Well, Seniors can write their own notes when they’re 18. So, the first time I did this I was given a scowl with the response “Freshman can’t write their own notes.” I laughed and said “I’ve been confused for a Senior every other year.” I pulled out my driver’s license to prove that I was 18. That lady didn’t apologize and acted like she was still right.
Going back to the pregnant cousin: There was one time when we were at Wal-Mart and she was getting some fabric for something. Well, I was with her son and he started complaining/whining/crying. So I said “Erika, your baby’s unhappy.” The woman at the counter said “Sure, when they’re good, they’re Daddy’s boy. When they’re not, they’re the Mommy’s.” My cousin laughed and said “He’s the baby’s uncle.” (we’re close enough that she refers to me as her kids’ uncle.) I laughed (mostly because I made this woman say that on purpose just to get that reaction. Yeah, I’m mean. But karma is mean.)
Soon after graduation, I tried growing a beard and mustache. One of my friends said “it makes you look 25.” I thought, eh, no biggie, I’ll shave it. On the day I shaved it off, I went with my mom somewhere. While the sales clerk was trying to get my mom to buy something, my mom said “No, I already have to explain all this to my husband.” The clerk pointed to me and said “I thought he was your husband.” Now I never minded age confusion before this, but I almost stormed out of the store (which would’ve proved I was younger than I really was.) My mom accepted the compliment and said “This is my baby. I have a daughter who’s (age left out for fear of death).” My mom was in her later 40s at the time and I was 18. What would she have thought if I had kept that beard and mustache?
So now that I’ve told some fun embarrassing stories and refrained from revealing my sister’s age and there are more stories to tell (like my dad being thought of as his father’s brother. Or my brother being thought of as our father’s brother. Or my brother being confused as his wife’s father.) Have you ever had someone do an age misconception on you? Tell me about it. If you tell me a good story, I’ll enter you into a contest that will choose a random winner for my first book giveaway.
Which book am I going to give away? It is Jim C. Hines‘ Goblin Quest. Why am I giving away a book that’s been out a few years? Because Goblin Quest is a fantasy novel that all should read, in my arrogantly humble opinion. I wish I wrote it, it’s that good. Goblin Quest takes all the fantasy novels out there and then mocks them. And mocks them well. So leave a comment in here. The contest will close at midnight on June 23rd and I will choose and post a winner shortly thereafter. UPDATE: I will give the winner a choice between Goblin Quest or The Stepsister Scheme, both by Jim C. Hines.
Also, you can get a second entry if you follow me on Twitter. So, in your comment below, tell me your twitter name and if you are following me, you will get an extra entry.
If I get over 25 comments, I will choose one of those comments to get 3 extra entries for being my favorite. (Yes, I play favorites, deal with it.)
UPDATE: I will also give you an entry if you post a link of this contest on your blog. Please post a link to your blog in the following format: timtypes(dot)wordpress(dot)com. Also, I’ll give you an entry for retweeting this contest. So, to summarize: One entry for commenting here with a story of an age mishap. One entry for following me on twitter (leave your twitter name in the comments so I can see that you’re following me.). One entry for linking on your blog here. One entry for tweeting this contest (again, leave twitter name in comments so I can see comment tweet/retweet.) That’s four entries. Also, I will give three entries for my favorite stories if 25 real comments are in.
Note: Jim C Hines has not asked me to give away his book, nor does he know I’m giving it away. The above paragraph is truly my thoughts on his book. I think Hines is one of the more truly comical fantasy authors ever to write and he deserves more promotion for it. His newest novel: Red Hood’s Revenge, book three of the Princess Series, is coming out in a few weeks. So, until then, remember…
Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.