Ninjas vs Clowns, part I

(Artwork by Graham Bradley)

In the city of Ferrerton, there ruled an evil empire run by Boogey Lowerbrow, leader of the Clowns. With their master thievery and ability to torture their victims, Boogey maintained control of Ferrerton. One of his minions was elected mayor. Three of the five city council members worked for him. Ferrerton’s five biggest businesses were owned by Boogey.

The clowns and their big, creepy smiles were everywhere. With the ability to fit 10 of them in a VW Bug, it was difficult to catch them. Even members of Ferrerton’s PD were corrupt.

And that brings us to today, a usual city council meeting, where Jen Amazing and T.J. Powers prepare themselves to lose another vote. This was an important vote as it would make sure that the Clowns’ bozo businesses would have to pay more taxes that Jen and T.J. have commissioned would go to the failing elementary schools. (Yes, they’re that heroic.)

The meeting begins like any other. Mayor Fanklestein (Lowebrow’s right-hand man) bangs his rubbery gavel, making it squeak against the desk.

Ugh, he’s so annoying, Jen thinks. If he would stop pretending he’s not linked to the creepy Clowns, he’d at least be semi-tolerable. Look at him with that ridiculous “child-at-his-own-birthday-party” attitude. It’s like this is all a game to him.

“Let’s get this meeting under way. The budget, of course, is the most important part of today’s meeting.”

The mayor’s squeaky voice annoyed T.J. I wonder if the mayor ever actually hit puberty. He smiled at his own joke. With a pen in hand, he doodled lines. It was the only way to relieve the boredom. Just ten more weeks until the election. I can get voted out and leave Ferrerton.

The mayor looked around at the red-nosed filled room. Do any of those in attendance have an objection to the proposed changes in Ferrerton’s annual budget?”

The room was silent.

Mayor Fanklestein looked to the back of the room, Lowerbrow sat there and nodded approval.

Ugh, Jen thought. Seriously, Lowerbrow’s fake tear on his cheek is about as useful as this meeting.

The Mayor looked around at the five city councilmembers. “Do any of you have anything to say against this budget?”

“Yes,” Jen said. The room got loud with honking of noses and squeaking of toy horns. “I have…I HAVE….I HAVE AN ISSUE HERE!!!!”

No one seemed to be listening.

T.J. leaned into his microphone, “Could you quiet down, please?”

Again, no one was listening.

I give up. Jen leaned back in her chair. The room got quiet as soon as Jen stopped talking. “I think that-”

The noise in the room prevented her from speaking any more.

A sword flew from the back of the room, landing behind the mayor, silencing the room.

In the back doorway stood three people, dressed in black, their faces covered.

Mayor Fanklestein unnecessarily banged his squeaky gavel. “Who are you?”

“For all intents and purposes, I am Oop, leader of the Ninjas.” Oop gestured to the people standing behind him. “These are my assistants: Elana Awesomesauce and Graham Chop.”

“What do you want?” The fear on the mayor’s voice made Jen and T.J. both smile.

“For you to make Councilwoman Amazing’s corrections to the budget.”

The whole congregation stood, save Lowerbrow. Flowers started squirting water toward the ninjas. Oop drew a sword from his behind his back, using it as a shield against the annoying water. Elana and Graham each pulled out a pair of sais and stood at the ready. Fake fish flew at the ninjas, Oop’s cohorts slashed the fish.

Elana and Graham leapt into the crowd as the clowns pulled out their large mallets, no longer playing nice.

All three ninjas made their way toward the front of the room, a few of the clowns not surviving the attack.

Mayor Fanklestein banged his gavel. “Meeting adjourned.”

His three favored councilmembers fled quickly. But before the mayor could leave the room, Oop stood before him. “It would be good for your health if you were to start this meeting again and announce your resignation.”

Fanklestein looked back into the crowd, Lowerbrow standing with his arms folded. As he unfolded his arms, T.J. shouted a warning to Oop as a pair of pistols were aimed at the ninjas’ leader.

A sai flew across the room as more clowns dispersed like cockroaches around a freshly lit lamp. It hit Lowerbrow’s hand, knocking one of the clown’s guns to the ground.

“This isn’t over,” Lowerbrow said. He pulled a pom from his shirt and threw it against the ground. Fanklestein did the same. Smoke expanded around them. As it cleared, they were gone.

“What are you doing here?” Jen said. “Don’t worry, I think retaliation against the clowns is necessary, but do you have to go to such violent extremes?”

Oop nodded. “No.” He looked around the room, a few dead clowns littered the ground. All the rest had fled like the cowards everyone knew them to be. “But at least they know not to mess with us as we move our plan forward.”

“And what is your plan?” T.J. asked.

“To rid Ferrerton from the clowns.”

Thank you for reading Ninjas vs Clowns, part I. Look for part II next week. And until then,

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.