Writing Process

It’s amazing when you write something just because you need to write something or your brain is going to explode. If you’re not a writer, I’m sorry, but this is the way we as a culture feel.

Sometimes, you just need to do something different so your creative juices don’t go dry. Well, once upon a time, I have no idea when, I wrote this poem just because I needed to write something. I look at it and laugh. And cringe. But I laugh mostly because of its honesty. See, once in a while I get time alone and I discover I can use it to write. And this is what ensues:

I sit, I wait, I think and then the fingers go.

They push the buttons on the keyboard like there was no tomorrow.

Each keystroke is getting me closer to the end, closer to the goal.

Letters form beautiful words; and the words form a wonderful story.

But then I jump back and think. Did I make sense?

Probably not. Time to revise. But revising sucks!

So I’ll continue on. I keep writing. The words just fly. And then they stop.

I’m blocked. A brick wall just stopped my brain from functioning.

Maybe I need a snack.

Where are my Cheetos?

Where are my Oreos?

Where’s my Monster?

Most importantly, where’s the chocolate?

They are not here.

The ideas have left me. The thoughts have ceased. I cannot move forward.

Oh, Television, the sweet assistant of procrastinators, please console me.

 

And that’s how it is for me more often than not.

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

The Seven Other Dwarfs

Last week, I posted about Disney’s seven dwarfs. (If you missed the trivia, when the brothers Grimm wrote the story of Snow White, the dwarfs were nameless.) Here are the seven other dwarfs. See, the story (at least the way I tell it) goes that Doc, Happy, and Grumpy were the only three original dwarfs from the seven we know. They also had Dorky, Geeky, Nerdy, and Bob with them. However, No one really understood why Bob was with them. He was plain and ordinary. And eventually, all six of them banded together and kicked Bob out. “That’s fine,” he says now. See, Bob became a wealthy billionaire. Bob was replaced with Sneaky.

Well, everything was good for the seven dwarfs, until Geeky and Nerdy got a little too smart for their own good. They invented super-robots to replace all the dwarfs at the mine in an efficient effort to be lazy. One day, when Geeky and Nerdy went to go check on the robots, it was discovered that said robots didn’t want to obey the inferior orders of the non-metal dwarfs. After the other five discovered the two corpses, Doc figured out how to shut the robots down.

Soon, Snotty and Sneezy became replacements for the dead ‘wise-guys’. Both of them were full of…well…you know…but they weren’t the cause of the worries of the dwarfs. Sneaky had been secretly taking extra jewels and gems and selling them on the side. One drunken night, Sneaky confessed to his misdeeds to Dorky. Dorky ratted him out to the other dwarfs. Well, after Dorky mysteriously ‘disappeared’ the other dwarfs blamed Sneaky and kicked him out of the cottage.

Grumpy tripped over Sleepy one day who was near Sleazy. Feeling obliged to get the group back to seven, Grumpy invited the two back tot he cottage. So, again, our seven dwarfs here were a good group as Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy, Snotty, Sneezy, Sleazy, and Doc. But, you see, Sleazy started sleeping in and showing up to work late. One day, Grumpy grew annoyed at his laziness and decided to follow him. Well, Sleazy was visiting another cottage by the wayside every night. Grumpy was about to kick Sleazy out when Sleazy told Grumpy that the upset dwarf could blackmail the promiscuous one. Well, Grumpy didn’t want any of that. He said “I’m Grumpy, not Greedy!” (Yeah, Greedy was his college roommate and Grumpy swore that Greedy would never be invited to the group as a Seven Dwarf.) So, Grumpy convinced the others that Sleazy needed to get out of the group.

The next day, Happy was looking at the awesome group of coworkers that he had and was surprised that he counted seven. He looked for Sleazy, but couldn’t find him. Then there was one he didn’t recall. He went up to him to discover that his name was Bashful. Bashful explained that he’d been following the group into the mine for weeks. But was too shy to ask to join them. One day, Doc handed him a pick-axe and told him to mine a corner. So he did. So, without trying, they were back to seven.

But, alas, Grumpy had another problem. Snotty and Sneezy were creating far too many phlegm-filled days for him. He couldn’t handle how much snot ended up everywhere. And he started to campaign against Sneezy, because of the projectile snot that came from him as opposed to the leaky faucet of Snotty. Eventually, this led to a vote between the other five dwarfs on which one would leave. Grumpy started campaigning against Sneezy. Well, Snotty said, “This isn’t Seven Dwarf Survivor!” and he left. Supposedly, Snotty became an allergist and cured his own snot problem. But as revenge, never went to help Sneezy out.

Finally, Doc decided that six was just too evil a number for the troop and they had to find a replacement. Finally, they found Dopey working as a mime near the palace. They invited him to join their troop. Everyone but Grumpy approved of Dopey’s admittance as a Seven Dwarf.

And that folks is the story of the Seven Other Dwarfs as I tell it.

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

New Zealand Woman Sells Soul to Highest Bidder

Writing Excuses, my favorite podcast (and only one I actually listen to), gave the following as a writing prompt:

Brainstorm your own from this headline: New Zealand Woman Sells Souls To The Highest Bidder… but don’t spoil the process by looking up the actual article.

I have not searched this, but since my title is so awesome, anyone searching it may find me. 🙂

New Zealand Woman Sells Soul to Highest Bidder

Christina Thorburn of Wellington has officially placed her soul for sale on Ebay. She plans on using the money to pay off her mortgage.

In 2003, Christina’s husband Richard passed away from heart disease. About ten months before Richard’s passing, the Thorburn’s had purchased a beautiful home in the southeastern section of Wellington. Richard became a VP at The National Bank of New Zealand in June of 2000. Unfortunately, Richard did not claim Christina as his main heir. David Thorburn, his son from his first marriage, received all of Richard’s life insurance. Christina was widowed with two children, Sophia (then 13) and Alexander (then 11) and a hefty savings account

Three months after Richard’s death, Christina Thorburn began working at a local grocery store. But when it closed in mid-2009, Thorburn was really uncertain how to live off what was left of her savings. “I tried looking for work. But it became discouraging.” Thorburn suffered from a minor mental breakdown and is being treated for depression.

Recently, she decided that she would try to sell her soul. When none of the local banks and auction houses would sell it, Thorburn went for the global auction website: Ebay. The auction closed last night with the high bid of 200,000 New Zealand dollars (a little over 142,000 American dollars). The winning bidder’s handle is ‘dvlnsde.’ At this time, it is uncertain when the winning bidder will take possession of Thorburn’s soul.

(Ok, that was fun. Until next time: Be Random!)

Well, this is all

Casey and I did a combined writing prompt today of 30 Things to do with a Hanger. It was actually pretty mind numbing and funny to do. And we went all ‘patriotic’ with a few of them.

Honestly, I worked hard at coming up with another topic today. Guess I’m too busy with work to blog.

A Cheesy Post

So I was reading Throwing Up Words’ blog today (which has got to have one of the coolest titles.) Anndee gave the challenge to write a young adult romance story using the words: sunset, waves, perfume, sand, throat, party, hot, luncheon, sooth, tanned, glitter, ouch, horse, fleece, scrumptious, thriller, beef, pen, calendar, roster

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t care. Except this was in the challenge as well: The twist? This is a badly written romance.

Well, who else would write a badly written romance that all girls will laugh at because of it’s truthfulness and all guys will laugh at because they know how stupid the writer is being? Me! So, without further ado, here’s my cheesy young adult romance:

Clay and Allie

Summer was almost over. It had been three wonderful months between junior and senior year for Clay and Allie. When Clay wasn’t working at ‘Dreamy Ice Cream’ or working out with the rest of the football team, he was with Allie. Whether sitting together on the sand watching the waves during the beautiful California sunset or attending one of the many luncheons at their families’ country club, they were together.

But it was two weeks before summer was going to end that saw an event that would change Clay and Allie’s relationship.

She walked in from the tennis courts, her perfume filling the hot room. Clay was reading the latest team roster in an email from his football coach. He was using a pen to mark the dates on his calendar when practices were and when and where his games would be. Allie’s tanned body blocked the light from his laptop.

“Clay,” Allie said, “I’ve got some bad news. “

“Wait,” he replied, jumping up from the couch. He pulled out a small box, obviously containing some sort of jewelry. “I want you to have this.”

She took the small box and opened it. It was a beautiful sparkling necklace. The other day when they were riding horses they had a conversation about jewels. She said she was a traditional girl and loved diamonds.

“May I?” Clay asked, taking the necklace out of the box. He placed it around her neck. The clasp tugged on her blonde hair as he closed it around a few loose strands.

“Ouch,” she said as he tried to free the strands.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok,” she replied. She looked at the nearby mirror. The diamond necklace sparkling on her delicate throat.

She kissed him in gratitude. Afterward, she leaned back and wiped the glitter that her lip gloss left on his lips.

“What were you going to say when you walked in?” Clay asked holding Allie close.

“It’ll wait.”

Clay suddenly looked at his watch. “I’ve got to get to practice anyway. See you at the party tonight?”

She nodded as he gave her one quick kiss before leaving. Allie looked at her reflection in the mirror and began to sniffle from the news that she would have to give Clay later.

Later, before the beach party, Allie was wearing Clay’s football fleece. It was so soothing and comfortable to be engrossed in it as she read the latest teen thriller by C.M. Jones.

Allie looked up to see Christy walking up towards her, the snooty girl that no one liked. “I hear a rumor that you’re going to have to end your relationship with Clay soon.”

Allie returned her eyes to her book. “I’m glad you listen to random people like that, Christy.”

“Well, once you’re out of the picture, I’ll be going in for him. He’s so…scrumptious.”

“And you’re so cliché,” Allie responded with a tilt to her head as she looked at Christy, her sunglasses bouncing as she did so.

“Well, we’ll see what happens at the party tonight. I’ll be there as a shoulder for him to cry on.”

“You know, Christy. Good luck there.” The snooty blonde left. A moment later, Allie frustratingly threw her book down. Picking it up, she went inside to take a nice relaxing bath before the party.

Allie waited for Clay at a corner table, glaring at Christy who was closer than she would’ve liked. After a half hour into the party, Clay finally came onto the deck. He went straight to the buffet and the beef brisket. A few minutes later he was eating across from Allie, Christy a few yards behind his shoulder.

“Clay,” she said, “I have to tell you something. I found out today that my dad got promoted.”

“And that’s bad?” he asked taking a large bite of brisket.

“Well,” Allie replied, “in a way it is. His promotion takes him to the headquarters in Seattle.”

Clay put his fork down and swallowed his food, his brown eyes showing he realized what this meant. “You’re moving?”

“In eight days.”

He reached over and grabbed her hand. “Well, we’ll just make those days very memorable. And instead of going to college down here, I’ll apply to one of the Washington schools.”

“You don’t have to…”

“I want to.”

It felt so good to hear that. And those eight days were wonderful, spending as much time with Clay as possible. But, that’s where their relationship ended. Because life is like that. Clay stopped emailing Allie about nine weeks later, when he started dating Christy. Clay went to college and played football where he warmed many benches. Christy broke up with Clay when the college quarterback stole her from him. When Clay looked Allie up on Facebook during his senior year, he saw that she was engaged to some nerdy scientist. Allie and her ‘nerdy’ husband later won a Nobel for their research in curing cancer. And that’s how life is.

Ok, what did you think at my attempt? I think I captured the YA….just not the romance. But I loved it regardless.

Writing Excuses Writing Prompt 4.6

Here’s something I’ve never done before, but because I like to write and I think the guys on Writing Excuses are so awesome, I’m going to try to occasionally do a writing prompt from their show. Go to the Writing Excuses website and see what I’m referring to. Here’s the writing prompt that I’m going to go off of today: Someone opens a door, and finds a wet, seeping cardboard box on the doorstep.

Ready. Go.

Opening the door put shivers down his spine. Expecting an enemy, he only saw a cardboard box on the doorstep, seeping an orange ooze that. Mentally debating whether or not he should pick it up, he took a step towards the package. What was it? Who would deliver such a thing? The knock at 1:30 in the morning had awoken him from a dreamless sleep and rattled his bones with fear. Now that he was standing on his porch, he hoped that whoever had delivered the box was long gone. After all, it had taken him a couple minutes to get to the door.

The box was barely shorter than him, the size of a small refrigerator. It was just as wide as one as well. The sides were marked ‘FRAGILE’ in large black permanent marker. The packaging tape was absorbing the orange good, loosening it. There was some writing on its top: THE NEARER YOU GET, THE STRONGER IT IS. He stepped back, fearing whatever the box held for him. The orange ooze confused and intrigued him though. It reeked like a bag of mothballs had been left in a locked cupboard for months and someone had decided to open it, releasing it’s awful scent.

Getting his nerve, he put his hand to the top of the box. The cardboard jerked to his touch. There was something alive in it. That made him not want to touch it again. Ignoring the fear that put knots in his stomach and the bile in his mouth, he pulled up the wet tape from the right side of the box. As if it were a bandage, he ripped it off quickly.

There was a scream from the creature inside the box as whatever it was forced the lid opened. He fell down the four porch steps watching arms fly out of the box. The liquid had weakened the cardboard, and thus made it pliable for the beast inside to force down and away.

He looked up to see it step out of the box and down two steps. He gasped as the being came into the light of a full moon. He wasn’t staring at some strange beast, but at himself.

It spoke, using the voice that mirrored his. “I am here to take your life. And then live it.”

There you have it. That’s my writing prompt. Let me know what you think. Also, there’s no useless trivia with this one since it’s not my post for the day 😉